I have suffered from depression for a long time but diagnosed since I injured my wrist in 2009 and then had to leave my career as a teacher in 2012. From there my health has got worse and worse. I Now suffer from Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Chronic spontaneous Urticaria. But it's not just physical health that effects me, I don't feel feminine or attractive this is partially due to my weight going up and down with my health (both physically and mentally) But also because when I was in secondary school I was called a Man every day from 1997 till 2004.
I have had councilling and medication to help with my depression and anxiety. I now know that my anxiety is linked to when I have to deal with my health or healthcare professionals. If I'm seeing a doctor I know and trust my anxiety is better. However, if I have to see a doctor I don't know or something chances with my treatment plans with no notice can set off an Anxiety attack. This is due to lots of negative experiences with hospitals and doctors in my life. My depression is all over the place. I don't really know what causes it but know it gets worse when my health is bad. Some days I feel so low like I'm failing at life completely, and that I'm making everyone else's life harder. I find I go out less but also feel that I get invited out less too.
I often find being a parent adds to this too. With mums sharing only the best that they do, you feel your own parenting is not as good. then there is the judgement of other parents, you gave your kids a bag of crisps to stop a tantrum, you let your kid have a tantrum because you are not giving in to their demands. No matter what you do someone on social media thinks your doing it wrong. Then there is the loss of identity as a stay at home mum my world is all about the children, I don't have a job to go to where I can be me and have my own identity. Rather than asking how someone's children are ask them how they are doing.
I find it hard to open up to people and be honest about my feelings and when I do occasionally people either change the subject or don't seem like they understand. So I tend to bottle it up and keep it to myself. I know that this is not always the best thing I can do. But opening up makes me feel so vulnerable and then to be shut down just damages me more.
If you have a friend who opens up about struggles support them, listen and be compassionate. don't dismiss or trivialise what they are saying just because it might not seem big to you doesn't mean it isn't to them. If you have a friend that hasn't been out as much or contacted you lately, please talk to them, invite them out. If they do not talk or come out right now don't forget about them try again, they might just be having a really bad day and can't see through the trees in their wood.
Mental health is important and we need to build up rather than knocking down.
