Sex and pain

Sex not an easy subject especially when you are not talking in a positive way. The only time people want to talk about sex is to boast about how great it is. No one talks about when its bad for fear they will get judged for not being any good in bed. However, sometimes it's not that sex is bad but painful due to something medical.

In these situations, it's not due to lack of ability on either side, but to do with a medical issue neither side can help. This is what I am currently going through. My husband and I have always had a good sex life and enjoyed sex. But for me, as my endometriosis and childbirth injuries got worse so has my sex life.

I get pain every time, doesnt matter if its oral, hand stuff or full sex it always hurts. I have two issues the first being giving birth to both my babies caused a lot of damage, both labias have been torn off leaving scars either side of the clitoris, I have lots of scars inside too.

• This causes issues that sometimes my labias get caught up during sex and this pulls them. 
• pain during intercourse when scars are rubbed against too much.
• pain from the clitoris as the blood flows in the area arousal turns to pain.

Then there is the pain the endometriosis causes. due to my womb being attached to many places at once. When I have penetrative sex it hurts. I find if I have control of positions and how we do it I can reduce the pain but I always have pain. We have tried different positions and nothing really helps. 

I feel like someone is trying to rip my organs apart.

The pain can be so bad I just want to cry, and the pain from sex can last up to 24 to 36 hours afterwards. I really struggle because I want sex, I have a sex drive, I want to have that intimate time with my husband, but it's difficult when I know it's going to cause me lots of pain. 

I have tried trying to enjoy sexual experiences on my own but have the same issue, my clitoris just sends pain rather than pleasure and using toys causes the same issues as with my husband.

I find this emotionally difficult having gone from a very good sex life where I could have multiple orgasms and now I can't even get close to one and haven't had one for over 2 years. As soon as anything feels nice the pain kicks in, I had a doctor suggest its in my head and gave me a set of dilators to help. (dilators are like dildos but come in sizes from a small finger up to an average penis) I have tried hypnotherapy and relaxation but nothing helps. 

I feel like this effects both me and my husband but for now, while I wait for surgery I don't think this issue will get better only worse as my condition worsens. I'm not writing this for sympathy but awareness, not every couple is having a great sex life, they want one but its just not happening.